Update On Savings For The Children YTD 2013

Yesterday we sent the check to World Vision for savings from the last couple of months.  YTD, not counting the check written yesterday, our savings and subsequent giving totals $662. 

 We always try to do two things.  First, we try to give to a variety of needs, such as food for US children and families, food for the starving in Africa, medicines needed to save lives, as well as those to prevent disease, net beds for families, clothing, help for children with disabilities, etc.  Yesterday’s check, for example, we designated to be used to provide clothing and school supplies for needy children in the US.  Seemed a good choice for a check being mailed in early September.

Secondly, we attempt to take advantage of any matching grants so as to substantially increase the amount of our donation.  A grant will multiply our $134 check sent yesterday by 10!!  So our small amount will actually make $1,340 available for the children’s needs.  Pretty neat!

Wanting to see what, if any, impact we have made with our little project, I went online to review the history of our contributions.  I am well pleased.

2012    Contributions, $1,141  and that amount multiplied by grants, $6,892

2013    YTD, excluding yesterday’s check, $662 and that amount multiplied by grants, $3,125

So by simply forming the habit of setting aside any savings from sales, senior discounts, etc., we have sent $1,803.  The total impact, due to matching grants, $10,017!   $10,017 with very minimal effort on our part. 

One other factor we always investigate is the financial records of a charity.  For every dollar we send to World Vision, we know that it is allocated as follows. 

§  16 cents is used for administrative costs and fundraising
§  24 cents is devoted to securing corporate donations, large private donations, and government grants (Wouldn’t that just send some people over the edge?!)
§  60 cents goes to directly benefit the children and their families

That percentage would most surely NOT be satisfactory to me if I did not know all the numbers.   For the 24 cents dedicated to obtaining large donations and grants, World Vision receives 70 cents worth of goods, funds, and/or grants.  So, by adding that 70 cents to the 60 cents of our dollar that are specified for direct aid, the dollar we send actually generates $1.30 for children!  Where else could we get a 30% return on a dollar?  I love the fact that we can only get that kind of yield by giving to little ones.  That just seems right to me.   

I wish Natalia were here.  She could keep track with us and be learning a valuable lesson, all at the same time. I would like that. 

Of course I would be getting a world map out and we would study the various countries where some of our money goes.  We would study the foods produced in, or imported into, a country; the foods NOT  made available to the children of poverty.  Maybe we would prepare a simple recipe.  We could learn at least one word of the languages spoken by the different children.  We would learn about the places in our own country where children do not get enough to eat, and certainly lack adequate nutrition.  I know, I know, I would be obnoxious.  (I’d like to say I would try not to be, but ......really?)

Notwithstanding, I would like that and I do wish she were here to share in this project of her grandma and grandpa (her abuelita and abuelito).  But for now, we can endeavor to help see to the physical and educational needs of children. 

 

July 4, 2013 Part II

During the presidential elections last Fall I heard a lot about “American exceptionalism”.  I personally find such an attitude prideful in the extreme.  But setting aside the arrogance of such a world outlook, I do not see any evidence in the pictures of exceptional thinking, of exceptional problem solving abilities, nothing exceptional about planning for protecting the liberty of the women, children, elderly, and young people who had no say in a decision about war.  I see nothing exceptional at all, unless I count exceptional self-interest.  And, of course there is the exceptional level of greed. 

And then there is the raging battle over the “freedom and liberty” to own guns without restrictions on that ownership.  That is exceptionalism, for sure.  It is exceptionally irresponsible.  It is exceptionally cunning of the NRA and gun manufacturers to twist the message of a horrific slaughter of little 6 year olds at Sandy Hook Elementary.  They have done a remarkably exceptional job of making a tragedy involving mostly children not about them but rather, about adults and their freedoms according to the Second Amendment.  And I find it exceptionally cold, calculating, and greedy, almost beyond what I can comprehend.  It is also exceptionally difficult; no, not just difficult, but impossible, for me to understand how gun owners are not sickened and horrified at what a gun with a high capacity magazine did to little bodies.  I still worry about whether or not the parents were able to hold their dead children.  I hope they did not get to see the children right away, because those little bodies had to be shredded.  If that thought alone does not inspire all of us to demand regulations about gun registration, what will?  I assume the answer is nothing. 

And I, for one, find that exceptionally distressing and sad.  Reducing speed limits in school areas is acceptable to us.  Doing background checks on teachers and others who want to work with children is not only accepted, but demanded. There are parental filters for television programs and computer sites.  All of this is done in the name of protecting our children.  But suggesting a return to a level of gun regulation previously in place and our Constitution and founding fathers are, in my opinion, symbolically removed from their current pedestal to be elevated to a new status of idol worship. 

It appears we are exceptionally devoted to what the founding fathers intended (as interpreted to support our political and/or religious point of view).  Many adamantly maintain that these founding fathers were exceptional Christian men.  (For myself, I would prefer not to take the word of even the most prominent, well-respected historians on that matter.  I would want to know what their slaves said regarding how ‘Christian’ those founding fathers were.)  And now, in addition to the veneration of these men and a dedication to our founding document that, as I see it, bears a semblance to consecration, it seems there is a growing fervor also for guns.  For some it has morphed further, into vehemence against those, like myself, who do not share that zeal for guns and the right of Americans to any and all sorts of guns and ammunition.  I have heard us referred to as the ‘enemy’, no less!

To those who feel so strongly about just how free we are, about how we are the greatest nation on earth, the idea of reflecting on our shortcomings would be considered exceptionally disloyal, exceptionally unpatriotic.  I do not subscribe to that view at all.  When my daughter was very small I had a friend whose children were then teenagers.  I always respected Nancy’s ability to identify her children’s faults and share them so openly.  None of us who were her friends thought she loved her children any less for admitting they were less than perfect.  In fact, I saw it as something I wanted to learn from as a parent.  I thought it a benefit to her children.   They would receive instruction on how to be aware of their human imperfections; on how to work towards minimizing those faults and maximizing their strengths.   

Through Plato’s writings we know Socrates’ wisdom when he said that “The unexamined life is not worth living.”  This attitude works for me.  And I believe it is valuable not only in our individual, internal lives, but very constructive when applied to our community lives as well.  So for me, I hope that by next year’s celebration of our independence, we have examined our societal life and determined that all policy should focus first and foremost on the impact on children, or those, like the elderly, who are equally powerless.  In short, any who should, in a country so frequently referred to as ‘Christian’, and  one described in terms of positive ‘exceptionalism’,  be valued above things, certainly above weapons, and whose lives are better because the rest of us are more than willing to impose some limitations on our rights, some morally fair limitations.   We are willing to view these limitations in the same light as other everyday boundaries we accept for the good of children.  And I speak not only of American children.  I refer to ‘children’, period.  Were that to happen, wouldn't that be a true example of ‘American exceptionalism’?

I found a quote of the Lebanese poet Khalil Gibran (with whose work I am insufficiently educated) that summarizes it beautifully:  “Keep me away from wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh, and the greatness which does not bow before children.”  (Emphasis mine.)

July 4, 2013 - Part I, In My Aunt's Memory

This is in memory of my Aunt Margie, whose 90th birthday would have been today, July 17th.  I thought of her while writing about the children in the following posts.  She loved children.  At one point in life she worked with troubled children through Primary Project.  I remember so distinctly discussing it with her while on a road trip to the funeral of an uncle.  She was interested in and passionate about the children.  She was excellent with children, so that was no surprise to me.  

When our Natalia died, she left us two voice messages.  I asked Allan to record them.  I have two copies, one actually in our safe.  Know why?  Because I thought that if I ever need encouragement about the ability of human beings to be loving and compassionate, I have only to listen to her voice.  I looked up the exact definition of the word 'compassion'.  It was defined as "the deep awareness of the suffering of another, coupled with the wish to relieve it.  

I also looked up 'empathy'.  I was somewhat dumbfounded at what I learned.  I thought I knew what empathy is.  I did not.  It's definition is more narrow and less indicative of feeling than I thought.  Here's what I found empathy to mean:  the intellectual identification of the thoughts, state, or feelings of another; capacity to understand another's point of view or the result of such understanding". 

Two very, very different approaches to the condition or situation of another human being, right?  I always thought empathy was a good thing.  I no longer care about being empathetic.  I do not want to respond to others from an intellectual, emotionally detached  perspective.  I want to be compassionate, like Margie.  I do not want a superficial connection.  I want to care intensely, so much so that I want their hurting to stop; so much so that I am willing to do whatever I can, regardless of how small and insignificant it might seem. 

A message on an answering machine could be thought of as a kind, a 'sweet' thing to do.  But such a simple, everyday gesture can be far more than kind.  It can make a difference; it can help someone.  It didn't take our suffering away; no one could do that.  However, there is something about knowing someone would do so, if only s/he had the ability.  There is real comfort in that.  I truly can't think of anyone who understands that better than my aunt did.  I think of her often, and I can only hope that when I am gone someone will say I lived that same way, exemplifying the full meaning of the word "compassionate". 

Note:  the photos on this post came from this site:

http://blogs.denverpost.com/captured/2011/12/30/captured-nine-years-of-war-in-iraq/5165/

Wow! I didn’t realize it had been almost months since I last wrote something to share.  I knew it had been a long time, but wow!  Lots going on, for sure.   But might as well jump in and put fingers to typing.  I’m on the back screened in porch with a slight breeze, not too much heat or heaviness to the air yet.  And I have my morning coffee…might as well tackle the “freedom and liberty” thing…

I know there are very different and even opposite viewpoints on what these terms really mean.  And some people seem almost hostile (and for some there is no "almost") about just how broad the definitions should be.  I searched several different dictionaries and a thesaurus because I wanted to know if the denotative meanings matched some of the narrow interpretations I hear.  I didn’t find any whatsoever.  If I understand what I am reading “freedom’ is a more general term, referring to the ability to think, act, and speak without the external imposition or restraint.  I guess “liberty” emphasizes more the free will of self-determination.  Interesting, but I’m not sure I see much difference, unless I consider the restrictions of personal liberty when necessary for universal safety and benefit, for example.  I can’t go into a movie theater and yell “Fire!”   I can’t drive over a certain speed limit within a school zone.  (Both, rightly so, as I see it.)    

(As a quick aside, there is a beautiful red bird on the branch of the tree closest to the porch.     Usually    any activity close by and the red birds retreat.  But this one is actually facing me and singing.  It is almost as if it wants my attention.  What a nice way to start a day!) 

Let me consider some of the opinions or reactions I’ve heard that illustrate differing connotations of these terms. 

“People who want to live in our country should assimilate.  If they don’t want to adapt to our ways, they should go back to where they came from.”   (Let me make it very clear that I’ve heard this stance about people who are here legally; even about some who have become citizens.)  I have absolutely no idea how this opinion matches up with the definitions of freedom and liberty.  In fact, to me it implies the exact opposite; it implies that freedom and liberty apply if one acts, looks, speaks, and thinks in the same manner as I do.  So how this fits in with lack of outside constraints, I do not understand.  So, I’m lost here. 

“They come here and don’t try to live according to our rules.”  Although this attitude is really the same as the previous, I include it because it doesn’t imply anything.  It states, without equivocation, that freedom and liberty DO impose restrictions on personal choice; and that those restrictions mean “how we live”.  Shame on me, I’ve always wanted to ask what rules are being referenced, and where can I read and study them.  But, I really do hate sarcasm, so I always refrain.  I just quietly wonder if the person speaking has given any real thought to that statement. But while I’m pondering that question, the person is rushing on to say how precious our liberty is to us.  If it is someone I know or strongly suspect would not be one to engage in real discussion, I let it go and change the subject.  If I have any indication that s/he might be one willing to converse so that we might each learn something, or at least get a new perspective to think over, I respond.  I always begin by saying that I very, very respectfully, but also very strongly disagree.  Then I ask for permission to explain why I do.  Most of the time I get a look of true shock and a mumbled, “yeah, okay”.  I get varied feedback, of course. 

“It’s not wrong to want to be with people like yourself.”  This opinion might be backed up with the declaration that something is lost, such as traditions, ethnicity, etc.  “No, it isn’t wrong”, I reply when I hear this statement.  And then, I have to make that same decision about whether or not it is worth further discussion.  When I decide it is, I just make it clear that, for me, it is enriching to include in my circle people who are NOT just like me.

When I hear this I inevitably think of Bob Ross.  I’ve watched Bob Ross’ PBS television show “The Joy of Painting” a number of times.  ALWAYS Bob gets to a point where I think the painting is really, really good; he should stop.  But I know he won’t because there is time left before the show ends.  So Bob picks up a different brush, or talks about adding another color.  As Bob is doing so I am ALWAYS telling Bob, “No.  No.  It’s really good.  You don’t need anything else.  Leave it as it is!”  Bob does not listen.  He goes right on and might add quite a bit more to the painting.  As he does so, I am ALWAYS responding with “Oh! Yeah!”  (Bob does not seem to need my encouragement, but I am ALWAYS generous with it, appreciated or not.)   To point out the ridiculously obvious, Bob’s finished painting is ALWAYS far better for not having listened to my instruction via the television screen.  The painting has more character, more depth, better composition, more life, more appeal to it. 

That’s how I see my life.  When I make friends who are not like me, who think differently than I, my life is improved and made much better, in the same way Bob’s painting was made better.  Something good is made more, is enhanced, by the addition of more color, more variety.  And Bob didn’t add to only one area of the painting.  He worked around the painting, adding improvement in different areas.  I like that idea for life also; the idea that I don’t want to develop one area of my life, to the exclusion of other areas.  I’d just as soon the different areas of life receive attention and additional work so the composition of the whole is that much better.  And that’s what happens when I look for and try to accept and enjoy those who are so unlike me.  Maybe that’s true because underneath we value the same thing, the right to be who we are and to live life as we want and/or think is best for us. 

A couple more thoughts with respect to the denotative meanings of freedom and liberty.  The definitions I found for freedom included: 1) exemption from external control, interference, etc.,      2) political or national independence,  3) absence of subjection to foreign domination or despotic government.  Know what I thought of?  Iraq.  And irony.  How sad that they go together.  The very nation, our country, that so highly values freedom and liberty, subjected another country to exactly what we absolutely would not stand for, interference from and/or imposition of another country’s determination about what is best for us.  I can’t think of Iraq without thinking of the photograph of an Iraqi mother holding the wrapped body of her 4 year old daughter who was killed two weeks before the war technically ended.  All I can think of is that this woman, along with all the others, and all the other children had no say whatsoever in the decision about going to war.  But because of the decisions of a few people, mostly men, their lives are forever changed.  And if you've lost your child, it is always for the worse.  Always.  Then there is the following picture.

This little 5 year old girl’s parents were killed when the family, in their car, was out and innocently and unknowingly approached the troops during dusk patrol in the city of Tal Afar in January 2005.  Her mother and father died instantly.  Her brother, 11, received a serious wound to the abdomen.  He was paralyzed from the waist down. 

I have to ask myself what this little girl, should she be writing someday, would say about freedom and liberty; and about the country that espouses these principles, so much so that it sees itself as the champion of them.  I also ask myself what the soldiers, most of whom were not much beyond childhood themselves, felt and will feel about the unintentional murders.  My heart goes out to them for having been placed in such a position.  They undoubtedly will never be free of some awful mental images. 

Here are a few more images of what it looked like to bring democracy and freedom to Iraq; images of both the recipients of that freedom and the young men and women who had the job of following orders and delivering that "freedom". 

In his 2003 speech from the USS Abraham Lincoln (no less), when announcing the end of major combat operations in Iraq, President George Bush said, "Those we lost were last seen on duty. Their final act on this earth was to fight a great evil, and bring liberty to others. All of you — all in this generation of our military — have taken up the highest calling of history. You are defending your country, and protecting the innocent from harm. And wherever you go, you carry a message of hope — a message that is ancient, and ever new. In the words of the prophet Isaiah: 'To the captives, 'Come out!' and to those in darkness, Be free!'"  (Emphasis mine.) When I see the faces of the American and Iraqi children, I do wish his words rang true to me.  

The nurse is taking the pulse of a dying soldier.

At another point in his USS Abraham Lincoln speech, President Bush said, "Everywhere that freedom arrives, humanity rejoices.  And everywhere that freedom stirs, let tyrants fear."  To me, this child looks fearful of those arriving with freedom. When her generation is grown to adulthood, what will they think of freedom, I wonder? 

This is an injured Iraqi child being comforted by a neighbor.

Old women waiting in a food line.  They must need the comfort of holding on to one another.

An Iraqi woman hangs onto a truck while waiting for the distribution of food by Iraqi soldiers.  In President Bush's speech referenced above, he said also,  "Men and women in every culture need liberty like they need food, and water, and air."  This picture seems to show a very elderly woman who must be very hungry.  I cannot speak for her, but when I am hungry, I don't care about any ideology.  And I certainly would not care if this were my mother waiting for food.   

Evidently being the recipient of freedom means having soldiers from another country in your kitchen while you wash dishes and the children of the family look on.  I wonder what these very young soldiers think, looking back.

More of President Bush's speech from the USS Abraham Lincoln:

"In the images of fallen statues, we have witnessed the arrival of a new era. For a hundred years of war, culminating in the nuclear age, military technology was designed and deployed to inflict casualties on an ever-growing scale. In defeating Nazi Germany and imperial Japan, Allied Forces destroyed entire cities, while enemy leaders who started the conflict were safe until the final days. Military power was used to end a regime by breaking a nation. Today, we have the greater power to free a nation by breaking a dangerous and aggressive regime. With new tactics and precision weapons, we can achieve military objectives without directing violence against civilians. No device of man can remove the tragedy from war. Yet it is a great advance when the guilty have far more to fear from war than the innocent.  (Emphasis mine.)

He ended his speech with, "Thank you for serving our country and our cause. May God bless you all, and may God continue to bless America."  (Once again, emphasis mine.)

 If God has blessed my country more than any other, as so many believe, why would He do so at the expense of this little girl, and all the other children, American and Iraqi alike, whose sweet, bewildered faces are now saved in the camera of my heart?  And sadly for me, that camera is not digital; the images cannot simply be erased.  

Thanksgiving Tree

I began to write the following before Christmas 2012.  I completed it on January 3rd.  I have just today had the opportunity to add the pictures and post it!  

For Thanksgiving I created a “”Thanksgiving Tree”.  I purchased a clay pot, some heavier sheets of paper, and a few stones at the dollar store.  Allan got some branches from out back which I approved or disapproved for my little project.  (I did not want to purchase sticks/branches normally used for decorating.  I wanted something from outside our screened in porch, which is one of my favorite places in the world, and something I am thankful we have.)  He also found some Styrofoam from the garage, left over from who knows what.  I wanted to have at least 30 “something I’m thankful for ‘leaves’ “ on my tree, one for each day of November.  I put it next to my wooden Don Quixote and Sancho Panza.  I liked that because I love Don Quijote de la Mancha.  (Spelled it with an “x” in English; no idea why, now that I think of it.)

I liked the project and decided against taking my tree down.  So it stayed up during Christmas.  The other day I made the decision to leave it up throughout 2013; to try and add one ‘leaf’ each day.  There will not be room to add too many new ‘thankful leaves’ to the tree, of course.  So I've determined that I will put them around the tree, as if they have fallen off.  If I manage to do this I assume that by next November it will look as it should for the Fall of the year, a lot more leaves on the ground than on the tree. 

I guess the project appeals to me for several reasons.  I find it a good exercise for my psychological diet to pause and make a conscious decision to focus, even for a few short minutes, on the many things for which to be thankful.  Another motivation is my concern that Thanksgiving is being crowded out.  I do not know if I will see it in my lifetime, but I believe we are rapidly losing the importance of setting aside a day for families and friends to get together with the sole purpose of celebrating how blessed we are.  Given the fact that stores have, for the last two years opened on Thanksgiving Day in order to accommodate the Christmas shopping frenzy, to my way of thinking, illustrates, with sharp clarity, the meaning of irony.  I find the idea of Thanksgiving becoming a day of time constraints and one that feeds not only our materialism, but also our competitive nature, that desire to beat the other guy out, troubling.  “Let’s hurry up and eat; the stores open in two hours!” does nothing to feed and strengthen our personal relationships.  It does nothing to refresh our spirits, to stimulate us and lift us up.  By sharing our time and ourselves with one another we are inspired, invigorated, encouraged.  Rather than being nourished, we will, I think, be left hungering, not for physical food, but for that which is equally essential to our well-being.  By focusing on our monetary bank accounts on this one day, we are forgoing the opportunity to make far more valuable and precious deposits into our memory banks.   

I know what some would say.  They would say that memories of camping out or standing in a line for hours with family and/or friends will be something to look back on and remember as fun.  That might well be the case.  For myself, I do not understand the choice to do that which results in memories so limited in richness, so limited in the number of family members/friends who share the making of those memories. 

The first figures I researched indicated that at least $586 billion dollars would be spent for Christmas.  And that did NOT include the anticipated increase in online sales.  If I remember correctly, the online sales were expected to total over $14 billion dollars.  I have not rechecked the data.  Why?  I find it unnecessary.  If I assume even a huge margin of error, on my part, say 20%, the numbers are still mind boggling, are they not? 

I got to thinking about small children the world over, here at home, and abroad, who need food and medicines, just to survive.  If all of those of us who spend for Christmas were willing to give up just 1% of that holiday budget to care for children, just think what the dollar amount would be!  Even allowing me the substantial margin of error named above, the dollars that could shared is astounding!  And how little would be asked of us, just one penny of every dollar!

Let me go back to where I started, my Thanksgiving Tree.  I think in addition to keeping my tree up and trying every day to add a leaf representing something for which I am really thankful, I will try to back that action up with another.  I think I will set aside a penny for every dollar I spend on gifts this year.  And I will also set aside a penny for every dollar I spend on myself.  That way, regardless of where we go as a society with respect to Thanksgiving, I will be working to stay focused on what impact that should have on my personal life. 

In October, upon returning from my aunt’s funeral/memorial service, I wrote about a train ride I had taken with my sister’s grandchildren.  I titled it “Something Special For My Thanksgiving List”.  My brother-in-law has since then sent me a picture.  I’ll include it here.  It will be apparent why I immediately thought of adding the adventure to my Thanksgiving list! 

December Savings for the Children and 2012 Totals

We rounded the $68.37 saved in December to $70.  And again we contributed it to World Vision.  Because they have been found to be diligent with the charity’s monies, they received donations and grants which would allow any individual contribution to be multiplied 5 times.  We designated the resulting $350 to be used for food in Africa; the situation is just SO dire.  

I read the story of one woman who has lost 4 children and fears losing her toddler.  I can not begin to imagine her pain.  And certainly if she knows of the wealth that we enjoy, how could she not be angry that her children have to be malnourished and stand practically no chance of surviving? 

I saw the story of an 11 year old boy who carried his baby sister on his back for 2 ½ hours to a medical clinic sponsored by World Vision.  He was told she was malnourished.  She was given necessary nutrients and Plumpy’nut, a fortified food product used for severely malnourished children. 

For 2012 we saved a total of $995.64.  Because we looked for opportunities where the contribution would be matched or multiplied, the total dollar amount used to benefit children, both in the U.S. and across the world was $6,892! In addition to putting aside any savings from sale prices, we found it felt good to each month forego making a purchase or doing something we wanted to, and instead set the money aside for kids.  It is interesting how easy it became to think in such a way.

We are pleased.  I like to think of some toddler, some child way too young to understand that there are places where the kids do not have to go hungry, getting a full tummy for the first time in a long time.  I like to think of a small child getting medicine which will help in giving him/her the opportunity to survive until the age of five.  I like to think of a little one having a daily supply of safe drinking water.  I can conjure up a number of little faces, all different shapes and colors, all different shaped eyes, looking up to the person or persons who just took care of them.  I feel sure they do not know how to express, even in their own languages, how good it feels to not have their tummies hurt, to not be hungry; to not be so cold because someone gave them coats.  My mind can easily see them forming a circle around some adult who has food and water for them, or maybe a coat.  You know how little kids do that.  They want some too! 

We didn't bother to discuss whether or not to continue our project; we've agreed to continue without the need for words.    We can see those little faces and those little hands reaching out. 

Instantly Sick To My Stomach

I’m sure we humans all have something that befuddles us almost beyond words.  It will differ for each of us, of course.  At this point in time, for me, it is the gun debate that has begun as a result of the Connecticut mass shootings. What bothers me is that I thought the fact that little children were slaughtered would outrage everyone.  I foolishly, unconsciously maybe, expected every parent in this country would want to discuss changes to better protect children and THEIR right to go to school in complete safety. 

But we continue with the all or nothing thinking.  At least on one side; the gun advocates seem to be making the assumption that their guns will be taken away.  I wish they would wait and see what is proposed.  Maybe it is something, that for the sake of our children, with which they can agree.  I suspect not, however.  I am not hopeful. 

This morning while having coffee I wanted to research some statistics regarding guns in the U.S.  I know nothing, really.  I found an article that surprised me:  http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/gun-sales-spike-virginia-colorado-record-highest-background-174415554.html.  The fact that the same type of gun that Adam Lanza used to murder 6 and 7 year olds are the guns that are being purchased astounded me!  And the high capacity magazines and ammunition are in demand!   Are people assuming they will have to go to war against their fellow citizens and will need such weapons?  If they think they will be at war in their own communities wouldn’t they be satisfied to kill their neighbors with one shot?  Are they going to kill the neighbor’s children as well?  What does any of this mean?  I have absolutely no idea.  What I do know is that I became instantly sick to my stomach. 

A family friend from England was visiting this past summer.  She repeated several times that they do not understand our fascination with guns.  My response was that I did not understand it any more than she.  Upon remembering those conversations and reading about increased gun sales, I wanted to know more.  The figures are my best effort.  Let me give full and fair disclosure.  I do not consider myself a very good researcher.  Usually I ask Allan for help, or a good friend who was a librarian.  Not this time, but here is my best effort:

§  The U.S. has more retail gun stores than McDonald restaurants and grocery stores

• ü  14,098 McDonald restaurants
• ü  36,569 grocery stores
• ü  51,438 retail gun stores

§  272, 590 Americans were killed by firearms from 2000 through 2008.  I won’t present the statistics regarding children.  It is just too much to think about right now.

§  58,138 U.S. soldiers killed, wounded or missing  killed in the Vietnam War

§  6,622 U. S. military killed in both the Iraqi and Afghanistan wars

Please note that I mention only the American casualties here because of the current internal battle that is brewing.  The non-U.S. civilians, especially the children, innocently killed in these wars, are no less important than those of our own citizens.  A child killed anywhere in the world is grieved by parents, grandparents, siblings, extended family members, friends, just as here in America.  Each little one killed represents an obscenity to me. 

Statistics always raise more questions for me, which this time I am not going to think about or research.  I don’t see that as wise for my psychological diet, or even necessary.  To my way of thinking, were I to allow as much as a 10% margin of error, the numbers would still show an alarming story. 

I have learned that I know an awful lot of people who own guns; people I have known for years and I did not know that about them.  These are people I think the world of and respect.  That has not changed.  I do doubt they will be the ones racing to the gun stores, at least not to buy the same gun that was used in the Connecticut shootings and an abundance of ammunition.  At least I hope not.  What I do hope is that some of these gun owners will stand up and say, “Enough!  We can make some changes without infringing on our rights.”  I hope they lead the way.  We’ll see.

In the meantime, I have one other thing I wrote about this tragedy.  I don’t know what I will do about it for now.  I am not concerned about offending friends (although my friends are good about agreeing to disagree) because I have told no one I do this blog.  The real issue is that I have to make a real effort not to think about those little bodies.  I assume the parents did not get to view them.  With all my heart, I hope not. 

Having stumbled upon a picture of the type of gun used to commit the murders, I cannot imagine that the parents should see such a thing.  I hope they identified bodies by the required pink and purple, preferably sparkling article of clothing or shoes worn by the little girls and the shirt or shoes most likely worn by the little boys.  You know, the macho shirt or shoes that declares “I’m a boy; I’m strong; I’m a sports fan”, just whatever. 

See if you do not hope the same for the parents.

Empty Desks and No Words

“Dear Lord God!”  I’m pretty sure that was my response when Allan interrupted me Friday to tell me that at least 18 early elementary school aged children had been shot and killed.  I imagine that was the reaction of many people, whether they believe in God or not.  I say that because it does seem to me that we call on or to God when a tragedy strikes.  If I am correct about that, it is understandable, I think.  There are just some things that our human adult minds cannot grasp so we call out in the same way our children call out to us for explanation and comfort.  Except here there is no explanation and certainly no comfort. 

It made me just sick to my stomach, of course, as it did many others, I’m certain.  It was difficult to get a deep breath at times.  And I was angry.  I had no direction for that anger, but I wished for one.  I could only imagine the anger and frustration the parents of the children who did not survive were feeling or will feel at some point in time.  Losing a child is a terrible pain.  I don’t even understand why they have to get seriously ill, much less die, especially in any abusive or tragic way.  But to have that little life destroyed by another; how does a parent not want to lash out? 

His/her child was in school, maybe having reading class.  Maybe s/he was in some type of art class and was happily coloring.  Maybe s/he was in gym class, running and giggling.  Or maybe the teacher was talking about seasons of the year and that winter was “officially” coming in a few days, no matter what the weather was that day.  It is very likely that most of the children’s families celebrate Christmas and they were getting excited, painfully waiting for the day to come.   Probably enough of them still believed in Santa Claus.  Little friends had been telling each other what was wanted for Christmas.  It is my personal hope that if there were any in the class whose family did not celebrate Christmas that the children had been encouraged, both at home and at school, to be sensitive and considerate of those whose lives were different in any way.   I hope they were already learning to be inclusive.  No doubt, or course, at least one or two were having trouble staying focused and on task, for whatever reason.  Their teacher had their school day planned.  It did not include trying to save their lives. 

Shortly after 5 AM Saturday morning I wanted to know if there were any updates on this unfathomable and immeasurable loss of life.  I read about the brother and the original report, which incorrectly said it was he who had done the killing.  I read about Mayor Bloomberg saying that now is the time to talk about gun control.  I read about the vigils. 

I learned about the principal who they believe lunged at the gunman and began to yell a warning.  She lost her life.  I learned about other staff who attempted to stop him, resulting in other lives lost.  I learned about the teacher who hid her students to prevent them from being found.  They survived; she did not.  I learned about the little boy who was pulled to safety from the hallway by another teacher.  I learned about the teacher who tried to distract and occupy the students by having them color while keeping them in a confined space. 

“Dear Lord God!”  Even if this were my reaction at first learning this horrible news, I repeat it now.  I simply don’t know what else to say.  It is too much for my heart to hold; it renders me unable to think of appropriate words.  It stuns me.  It saddens me.  It sickens me.  It angers me. 

Allan created the following and offered it to me for whatever I was writing.  It is, to my way of thinking, a perfect and beautiful memorial to 20 six and seven year olds who went off to school on a Friday morning, hopefully as completely carefree as we want them to be at that age.  There are simply no words that better capture what has transpired and what families must now try to endure.