Instantly Sick To My Stomach

I’m sure we humans all have something that befuddles us almost beyond words.  It will differ for each of us, of course.  At this point in time, for me, it is the gun debate that has begun as a result of the Connecticut mass shootings. What bothers me is that I thought the fact that little children were slaughtered would outrage everyone.  I foolishly, unconsciously maybe, expected every parent in this country would want to discuss changes to better protect children and THEIR right to go to school in complete safety. 

But we continue with the all or nothing thinking.  At least on one side; the gun advocates seem to be making the assumption that their guns will be taken away.  I wish they would wait and see what is proposed.  Maybe it is something, that for the sake of our children, with which they can agree.  I suspect not, however.  I am not hopeful. 

This morning while having coffee I wanted to research some statistics regarding guns in the U.S.  I know nothing, really.  I found an article that surprised me:  http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/gun-sales-spike-virginia-colorado-record-highest-background-174415554.html.  The fact that the same type of gun that Adam Lanza used to murder 6 and 7 year olds are the guns that are being purchased astounded me!  And the high capacity magazines and ammunition are in demand!   Are people assuming they will have to go to war against their fellow citizens and will need such weapons?  If they think they will be at war in their own communities wouldn’t they be satisfied to kill their neighbors with one shot?  Are they going to kill the neighbor’s children as well?  What does any of this mean?  I have absolutely no idea.  What I do know is that I became instantly sick to my stomach. 

A family friend from England was visiting this past summer.  She repeated several times that they do not understand our fascination with guns.  My response was that I did not understand it any more than she.  Upon remembering those conversations and reading about increased gun sales, I wanted to know more.  The figures are my best effort.  Let me give full and fair disclosure.  I do not consider myself a very good researcher.  Usually I ask Allan for help, or a good friend who was a librarian.  Not this time, but here is my best effort:

§  The U.S. has more retail gun stores than McDonald restaurants and grocery stores

• ü  14,098 McDonald restaurants
• ü  36,569 grocery stores
• ü  51,438 retail gun stores

§  272, 590 Americans were killed by firearms from 2000 through 2008.  I won’t present the statistics regarding children.  It is just too much to think about right now.

§  58,138 U.S. soldiers killed, wounded or missing  killed in the Vietnam War

§  6,622 U. S. military killed in both the Iraqi and Afghanistan wars

Please note that I mention only the American casualties here because of the current internal battle that is brewing.  The non-U.S. civilians, especially the children, innocently killed in these wars, are no less important than those of our own citizens.  A child killed anywhere in the world is grieved by parents, grandparents, siblings, extended family members, friends, just as here in America.  Each little one killed represents an obscenity to me. 

Statistics always raise more questions for me, which this time I am not going to think about or research.  I don’t see that as wise for my psychological diet, or even necessary.  To my way of thinking, were I to allow as much as a 10% margin of error, the numbers would still show an alarming story. 

I have learned that I know an awful lot of people who own guns; people I have known for years and I did not know that about them.  These are people I think the world of and respect.  That has not changed.  I do doubt they will be the ones racing to the gun stores, at least not to buy the same gun that was used in the Connecticut shootings and an abundance of ammunition.  At least I hope not.  What I do hope is that some of these gun owners will stand up and say, “Enough!  We can make some changes without infringing on our rights.”  I hope they lead the way.  We’ll see.

In the meantime, I have one other thing I wrote about this tragedy.  I don’t know what I will do about it for now.  I am not concerned about offending friends (although my friends are good about agreeing to disagree) because I have told no one I do this blog.  The real issue is that I have to make a real effort not to think about those little bodies.  I assume the parents did not get to view them.  With all my heart, I hope not. 

Having stumbled upon a picture of the type of gun used to commit the murders, I cannot imagine that the parents should see such a thing.  I hope they identified bodies by the required pink and purple, preferably sparkling article of clothing or shoes worn by the little girls and the shirt or shoes most likely worn by the little boys.  You know, the macho shirt or shoes that declares “I’m a boy; I’m strong; I’m a sports fan”, just whatever. 

See if you do not hope the same for the parents.

Empty Desks and No Words

“Dear Lord God!”  I’m pretty sure that was my response when Allan interrupted me Friday to tell me that at least 18 early elementary school aged children had been shot and killed.  I imagine that was the reaction of many people, whether they believe in God or not.  I say that because it does seem to me that we call on or to God when a tragedy strikes.  If I am correct about that, it is understandable, I think.  There are just some things that our human adult minds cannot grasp so we call out in the same way our children call out to us for explanation and comfort.  Except here there is no explanation and certainly no comfort. 

It made me just sick to my stomach, of course, as it did many others, I’m certain.  It was difficult to get a deep breath at times.  And I was angry.  I had no direction for that anger, but I wished for one.  I could only imagine the anger and frustration the parents of the children who did not survive were feeling or will feel at some point in time.  Losing a child is a terrible pain.  I don’t even understand why they have to get seriously ill, much less die, especially in any abusive or tragic way.  But to have that little life destroyed by another; how does a parent not want to lash out? 

His/her child was in school, maybe having reading class.  Maybe s/he was in some type of art class and was happily coloring.  Maybe s/he was in gym class, running and giggling.  Or maybe the teacher was talking about seasons of the year and that winter was “officially” coming in a few days, no matter what the weather was that day.  It is very likely that most of the children’s families celebrate Christmas and they were getting excited, painfully waiting for the day to come.   Probably enough of them still believed in Santa Claus.  Little friends had been telling each other what was wanted for Christmas.  It is my personal hope that if there were any in the class whose family did not celebrate Christmas that the children had been encouraged, both at home and at school, to be sensitive and considerate of those whose lives were different in any way.   I hope they were already learning to be inclusive.  No doubt, or course, at least one or two were having trouble staying focused and on task, for whatever reason.  Their teacher had their school day planned.  It did not include trying to save their lives. 

Shortly after 5 AM Saturday morning I wanted to know if there were any updates on this unfathomable and immeasurable loss of life.  I read about the brother and the original report, which incorrectly said it was he who had done the killing.  I read about Mayor Bloomberg saying that now is the time to talk about gun control.  I read about the vigils. 

I learned about the principal who they believe lunged at the gunman and began to yell a warning.  She lost her life.  I learned about other staff who attempted to stop him, resulting in other lives lost.  I learned about the teacher who hid her students to prevent them from being found.  They survived; she did not.  I learned about the little boy who was pulled to safety from the hallway by another teacher.  I learned about the teacher who tried to distract and occupy the students by having them color while keeping them in a confined space. 

“Dear Lord God!”  Even if this were my reaction at first learning this horrible news, I repeat it now.  I simply don’t know what else to say.  It is too much for my heart to hold; it renders me unable to think of appropriate words.  It stuns me.  It saddens me.  It sickens me.  It angers me. 

Allan created the following and offered it to me for whatever I was writing.  It is, to my way of thinking, a perfect and beautiful memorial to 20 six and seven year olds who went off to school on a Friday morning, hopefully as completely carefree as we want them to be at that age.  There are simply no words that better capture what has transpired and what families must now try to endure. 

Listing To The Right

The two lists that follow were created in response to the post of another blogger in which he shares his observations about the state of religion.  As a Christian I wish I could disagree with his assessment, but my observations are, in fact, the same as his.  I thought his example of just how insensitive and self-absorbed we Christians can be was very apt.  He said, “Mind you, many beliefs are innocuous. I mean to say, if someone wants to believe that God provides them a parking spot in their town while he lets children starve somewhere else, I guess it doesn't exactly hurt anyone. It may be inane to the nth degree, but it's most likely harmless.”   I personally fail to see how anyone who has been around Christians could disagree.  I, for one, have certainly been around other Christians who respond to the most ridiculous things with “Thank-you Jesus!”  It is almost as if they see God as their personal servant, just waiting to bless them with whatever small thing they might want.  I agree with this other blogger; I think we should be far more concerned with those who need the basics to survive. 

My Understanding Of What We						What We And Our Christian
Christians Should Be						"Leaders" Have Been On Far
(Or At Least Try To Be)						Too Regular A Basis
C	Compassionate, caring, constructive,					C	Close-minded, condescending,
	considerate, cooperative, consistent						critical, callous, contemptible,
H	Helpful, honest						cold, cruel
R	Reliable, reasonable, rational,					H	Hateful, harmful, harsh, hardened,
	reliable, reasonable, rational						hawkish, haughty
I	Insightful, intuitive, interested in					R	Rude, rejecting, ruthless, repulsive
	others and their welfare, impartial,					I	Inflexible, insufferable,
	independent						inconsiderate, impatient, idolatrous
S	Selfless, self-sacrificing, straightforward						of: the U.S. Constitution,
T	Teachable, tender, trustworthy						America's founding fathers,
I	Inviting of conversation, interested						country and wealth
	in facts and reality, inclined toward					S	Stingy, stubborn, severe,
	forgiving						spiteful, slanted toward bias and
A	Attentive, approachable, anti-war,						prejudice
	altruistic, affirming, appealing, aware					T	Theocracy-minded, two-faced,
	of our own  shortcomings, aware						tactless, thoughtless, territorial
	of the universality of humanity					I	Insistent on having things our way,
N	Noble, negotiators of peace						inattentive, inhospitable, incon-
S	Sincere, sensitive, sympathetic						sistent, ineffectual, irrational
						A	Angry, arrogant, accusatory,
							abrasive, averse to conversation,
							adversarial, all or nothing
							thinking
						N	Nasty, negative, narrow-minded
						S	Stand-offish, self-centered, self-
							indulgent, self-gratifying, self-
							righteous, smugly moralistic

When creating these lists, I found the one on the right came to mind so much more readily.  I had only to think about what I’ve increasingly observed over the last number of years here in America.  Since Christians are supposed to be “fishers of men”, let’s assume for a minute that these two lists represent the two sides of a boat.  If we have too many more Christians flocking to the right side of this boat, not only will there be no “catch”, but the boat will capsize.  A lot more of us Christians need to get on the opposite side.  And from my perspective, we have to do it by thinking for ourselves.  I don’t seem to hear about too many of our Christian “leaders” encouraging us to do so.  

October and November Savings For The Children

In October we saved only $22.38 and in November $126.85.  My pantry needed some restocking; Thanksgiving meant a few special food purchases, so last month's total was better than in the last few months.  Also, I had a couple of things I gave up that I might have enjoyed but felt the money should be added to our savings instead.   

  

We rounded the October amount to $25 and the November amount to $130.  The October monies were to be multiplied 12 times by government grants and corporate matching funds. We requested the $300 be used to provide medicines for children here and in other countries.  

The November dollars multiplied 9 times. So $1,170 will be contributed towards any needs for children, whether it be food, medicine, winter clothing; just whatever.  It doesn't matter to us.