Metamorphosis?

I explained in my second blog, “Yearning”, dated November 7, 2010, that this blog is a personal journey.  A journey where I think out loud and try to figure things out; try to make sense of  my life from that point on.  It has been good for me.  It has been its own kind of (grief) therapy. 

I also said at the time that I didn’t know for how long I might do this.  While that continues to be true, this writing thing has developed such that I don’t know if “it” would let me stop at present.  It started, and continues to be, about my personal journey; my attempt to figure out where to go in life at this point in time.   However, at times it feels as if the writing is beginning to give me purpose, or at least additional purpose, to life.  Possibly and most probably temporary purpose, but purpose nevertheless.  And that I find comforting.  But that is very different than just journaling about what I’m thinking, isn’t it?  At the start this was a means of organizing my thoughts, and by so doing, maybe gain insight and purpose.  That is very different than the writing being a purpose in and of itself.  Isn’t it? 

I would really have thought that the writing would have served its purpose by now and what became the need to write would be “out of my system”.   But, as I recently explained in “Book Reports” (September 27^th), it seems that topics are beginning to not only present themselves, but are repeated in various everyday ways.  Almost so as to be sure I won’t miss them.  In that same post I admitted that it sounded really weird.  I still feel that way.  Maybe if I give a few examples, I’ll be able to “illustrate” what I mean. 

ü     I had begun to gather my thoughts to write something about language and words I hear used to talk about other human beings; about how negative, nasty speech doesn’t offer anything except an obvious boost to someone’s sense of importance.  I was going (and still will) give examples of how positive, encouraging language has inspired me, and hopefully, others. 

My brother had just attended a seminar on the use of verbal first aid; language proven by research to have an immediate impact on victims of physical trauma.  I remembered a course similar in content, but having to do with how to help those who have suffered a loss.  I thought the two worked so well together that they could be like Verbal First Aid 101 and 102. 

ü     Motivated for a number of different reasons, I have been studying American history again.  I have read a good amount about the history of Blacks and Native Americans in our country. 

Remember “Personal Reality Show, The Prequel,  of August 1^st?  I wrote that as a response to the reading of several books and  study I had done.  Shortly after, inadvertently,  I saw on Book TV a Native American explaining his newly published book.  So, I  am currently reading In The Courts Of The Conqueror: The Ten Worst Indian Law Cases Ever Decided by Walter Echo-Hawk.  The library had to search various state libraries and found a copy for me from Highpoint, about 4 hours from here.  Cost to me?  $2.00!  (I will report on it when I have finished the book.  But let me tell you, the abuse and denigration of a class of people in our country can only be called shameful and sickening.) 

Recently I purchased a Nook Color.  I had consistently  said I absolutely did NOT want to read a book on a technological device.  I would never consider it.  Of course, Allan said I would love it and we should just go look at them.  We did.  I bought.  And... I really, really like it! A lot!   (Why do men have the aggravating habit of being right when we are SURE they are totally mistaken?).   Anyway, several different times, I have “browsed” for free books.  A result of my first search?  Fiction, but having to do with the treatment of Blacks by Christian leaders in a small community. Most recent search for the books of a favorite author, free or not?  Several fictional books having to do with Native Americans! And let me explain that once you are reading the overview of a book, there is a tab giving books “Like This”.  So I found several more by authors I do not yet know. 

ü     PBS and the History channel have had several shows/documentaries on the same topics that have been what I will call “thrown in front of me” recently.  And there are at least two I intend to watch this week. 

ü     If I have failed to make it clear in the past, let me clarify one thing now.  I HATE how we Christians act a lot of the time.  I abhor any of the current political stances being masqueraded as Christianity.  I feel like way too many people are falling in line, not even trying to think for themselves.  In fact, I will go so far as to say that I do not fear terrorism; I do not fear financial collapse; I do not fear any major social event as much as I fear this bunching together of those who speak far more often of their political views than their beliefs.  It concerns me that I hear the exact same phrases and arguments from so many, as if they are robotic beings programmed in like manner. 

Once again, my frustrating and distinctly  irritating ability to catch just a few words of something while changing television channels has shown itself.  I recently had to pause because some guy was talking about  the First Amendment right to freedom of religion.  I do not recall whether he said it did NOT apply to Muslims or he said it applied only to Christianity. I believe he also said we should not allow one more mosque to be built in this country.   CLICK. 

Within that same time frame I saw and heard another man refer to people who disagree with him as “human debris”. (I’m not sure, but I believe this is someone with a good sized “ Christian” following.)   CLICK.

I could cite a number of other examples, but maybe these will suffice.  I don’t know, but given the very specific and “out of the ordinary” topics, I see this as all very uncanny!  And since they matter to me, because they have to do with people and how they are treated, shouldn’t I write about them?  So is that a purpose?  To write about the things that literally keep stepping in front of me on my life pathway?  As always, I have no idea whatsoever! 

However, to quote myself from the “Yearning” post, I wrote:

I think I'm unsettled and fearful that if politics doesn't stop being an idol; if we don't denounce the hate-filled voices, we won't want to reach out to others when they most need it.  Not unless they agree with us, anyway.  And I'm yearning for a world where a world view different from our own doesn't equate to disdain.  I want to appreciate that everyone has a different "story".   I'm yearning for a world where we're willing to examine what we think and change our minds.  A world where we are more than willing to say "Great idea!" to someone else.  A world where we are all happy to see our balloons rise together, so to speak.  I'm yearning for a world where everyone who needs compassion and kindness and consideration (like we experienced) will get it.  And it will be heartfelt.

So maybe nothing has really changed at all.  Maybe I still feel that if we examine what has happened to us and where we’ve been, individually and corporately, the result should be more compassion and concern for others; more wanting to know their stories, and, if needed, to help them up.

Obviously, I’m still trying to figure it all out.   So, for now, I continue to write.